THE RIGHT “FOOL” FOR THE JOB

Every now and then I’m hit with a strong realization – like a bolt of lightning – why things are the way they are.  Like why I line up items in our refrigerator according to food group (gives me a sense of control in an out-of-control world), or why I hate horror movies (my empathetic nature won’t allow me to watch people suffer, even if it’s make believe).  I had another one of these moments yesterday while trying to run electrical wiring under a deck in my backyard: I’m a lousy handyman because I DON’T HAVE GOOD TOOLS.  That’s it!  My ideas are basically sound (run the electrical cord inside a 12 inch plastic pipe to keep it dry and away from rats), but I try to complete home improvement jobs using crummy tools a kindergartener wouldn’t use to make a macaroni necklace. And BECAUSE my tools aren’t the best (and that’s a generous description), a job that would take a competent contractor 10 minutes to complete takes me all day. So…for my upcoming April birthday, I’d like to request the following:

A decent electric drill, preferably a Craftsman

A decent set of drill bits

A real hacksaw with a sharp blade

A hammer with a real, unbroken handle

A box of authentic deck screws

Oh yeah, and internet access, so I can call up contractors on Angie’s List when I realize my problems might be more than tool-related 🙂

John

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